I Wonder

I often wonder if our families realize how much they destroyed us mentally at a young age. The way they handicap us prematurely with their so called jokes and unwarranted ridicule. “You’re a man!” They scream, “Don’t you ever cry!” in the same breath verbally abuse us when we have no grasp on how to verbalize our emotions.

I often wonder if our families are mentally aware of all of the insecurities that they lay on us the minute we are born. Making our dreams seem “unrealistic” because of their mediocre qualities. Covering their lack of life with statements like “I’m just a realist”.

I often wonder if women realize how much they demoralize men. From giving men guidelines that they can’t reach genetically and wondering why they aren’t any good men out there. They scream, “He needs to be at-least 6ft, dark skin, flawless skin, big penis, in shape” yet have nothing to offer but a list of insecurities.

I often wonder if women realize how much they body shame men. When men are subjected to hear what they lack physically it’s all fun and games, yet the slight mention of a woman’s weight becomes a death wish.

I often wonder if society truly fears us. I wonder if they realize that the image of cop lights behind us truly disables us while the image of our brothers dying is truly numb to us.

I often wonder why white women hold their purse tighter when I walk by, not realizing that I may make more money than most of them. I often wonder why white men chance their natural speech to communicate with me in a lingo they’ve heard in a rap song.

I often wonder if our men realize how valuable we are to this world when they pull the trigger on their own. I wonder if they understand that their blood line is filled with royalty when they are sagging their pants.

I often wonder if black men understand that what this world has done to us is unfair but have no choice but to change the narrative. I wonder if our men understand that we wouldn’t be a target to the world if we weren’t the most powerful. I wonder if they realize that they’re superstars when opposing forces try to upstage them. I often wonder how many times black men have told themselves that they are the trophy.

I often wonder why the world can’t see how the mental health of a black man is so ruined.

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